Damn!imals

Hey guys, sorry about the lack of posts, my computer firewall seemed to block Zcomedy and beta-blogger, and wouldn't let me log in. It seems that WRITING comedy is harder than acting it, and I will as well make pictures, often humorous. Here's my first one, Hand-Edited using Adobe Elements 2.0.

Many thanks to my sister, for drinking the darned stuff, as well as the mispronunciation that led me to this picture.

Made in China

Made in China, why, most of the best things are made in China. Your chair is made in China, that box is made in China, your shirt's made in China(If it isn't it Sucks). Hell, I'm made in China. One problem with that in the United States of America could be the pride we put into the each mass produced strip of cloth hung in the classrooms of our lives.


Welcome, symbol of American pride, the American flag, we pledge allegiance to it daily, it is the American motivation. Undoubtebly, it too is probabely Made In China.

What kind of lack of pride would let you mass-produce the Symbol of America be made in China? Sure, cheap labour, but how does this affect how we are?
I mean seriously, dont you think that if you want something American, have it made in America?

All American China-Made flags. A real joy to hang on your wall.

"How's the weather?"

Before you start to say
R()T1 WTF H3'5 T41k1NG 4B()()T?

Consider this, assuming you seem always to be there at an instance of "Eerie silence" or what "Normal" people call "Awkward silence," I always seem to get annoyed at those people who think they're so cool, and want to start a conversation.

"So, how's the weather?"
Inside I just think to myself,
What the fcuk are you talking about? Are you BLIND? Can't you just glance up at the sky and see that it's raining? It's sunny?
Heh, maybe he's just too lazy to find out for himself, and i respond,
"Yea, its great weather here, nice and sunny and stuff."
"Wow, a real improvement from yesterday isn't it?"
"Yesterday was sunnier than this."
"Oh, well um..."
And then you see them stumble away, thinking to themselves,
"What is the weather anyways?"

Is it necessary to ask questions about the obvious?

Fire Drills

Fire Drills, twice monthly, annoying all the time. What they do is "simulate" a fire, and make us WALK OUT IN AN ORDERLY FASHION!

Psht. That's hardly realistic. Let me show you.

"Oh look, the fire bell rung, everyone, in a orderly line outside. Wait for that class before you! Oh, and don't take anything with you."
Realistic in a real fire? I think not. Here's an example of what really happens.

"THE ROOM'S ON FIRE! RUN! I'm DITCHING YOU SUCKERS!"

Whoa. A big difference eh? What would really happen if you used the supposed "orderly fashion?"

"Ok, everyone calm down, we'll just walk out slowly to avoid fire that is moving twice the speed of us. Oh yes, wait for that class before you, they're more important than you and we hardly care anything about you."
"Teachers go through this door, in an orderly fashion as well, and we're ditching you all! Good luck with the fire!"

*Room Explodes*

1337 Sp33k

Z()meg4wd h4x()rs ()mg WTF 15 WH()4! $$$$Ki11$

If you haven't seen something like that playing a game, I REALLY have to wonder what kind of game you even like to play.

Just to clear up some confusion,
()-An "O"
4-An "A"
5-An "S"
$-An "S"
1-An "L" or "I" (HOW THE HELL DO YOU TELL THESE APART?)
7- A "T"
3- An "E"
Whoa, what kind of freaks would type like that? I know I wouldn't.
Seriously though, what kind of weirdo-freakazoids type with numbers? I fear for them. I mean really, I can't spell correctly, yet I can understand misplaced numbers in the middle of random gibberish? Yea right.

"Hello Mister Computer Nerd"
"Z()MG WTF Y()U $4Y Tat R()F1"

I mean seriously, how would you say that in real life?
"Z Zero MG WTF Y One U Dollar sign four Y Tat R Zero F One"

Wow.

It would be funny if somone acually said that though.

Freaks.

"Are you OK???"

"Are You OK?" Yea. I'm sure you've heard that somewhere in your life. If not, you're just a freak. Nothing personal.

Y'know, there are always those people, the ones with the shifty eyes, they're just watching out for someone to screw up and hurt themselves. You might get hit by a car, and the driver runs out, and asks you "Are You OK??" The Agents of Redundancy.

Inside, you just wanna say, "Who the fcuk do you think I am? SUPERMAN?"

Yet you still respond, "Yea, I'm fine."
"Just a broken spinal cord, permanent brain damage, a ruptured spleen, but I'll make it out OK, just that, could you like, send me over to a hospital? You know, do a guy a favor."

A Science Assignment

You know, back in the days of my 7^th grade year, I had a science teacher. You know, the kind that you just can’t stand being with, the ones who just think they’re the best, and you know absolutely nothing. This one day, she gave us this assignment called “How much is that Parasite in the Window?,” a messed up assignment about your pet and what kind of Sybiotic relationship you had with it. Oh yea, there was no argument, she would say Mutual all the time, all the time She’d Say “You benefit by learning responsibility, getting entertainment, and telling someone your secrets.” YEA RIGHT!

You know, the relationship I have with my guinea pig is PARASITIC. In fact, the guinea pig is living in my intestinal tracks at this very moment. Oh yea, I learn some real responsibility there, feeding this guinea pig lodged deep in my intestines. I get some real entertainment, always wondering whether or not that guinea pig will bite through my spleen, hours and hours of joy right there. Also, I have some real friendship, and I REALLY enjoy talking to my intestines all day. Yea. I sure do.